Struggling to be the dad I want to be...

Things have been so very tough recently. I have really been struggling. A combination of work, the past and not addressing things that have got on top of me. This has left me in a space where I really do need to start doing something about this. I find myself not being the husband and the dad I want to be. The girls are growing up, facing huge challenges themselves and I have ended up in a place where I am not helping them or have no emotional space to be an effective parent. We came back from holiday and things reached a horrible head for me, where I broke down and my resilience went pop. Realising how I had been dealing with many things was not the right way to go about tackling my childhood and its impact, Auntie passing and not coming to terms with my grief and the impact that covid and my work has had on me. I had not been a good dad for some time. Insular and distanced. I took a breath, took stock and started to do something about this and am seeing a counsellor. It's really helping. I'm starting to find a better space to help my girls. Be there to guide them and make a parental bridge for them to use. The world is coming thick and fast at them and it's really tough. One day a time, I am starting to feel better. One day at a time, my wellbeing is improving and putting me in a better place to be a dad. So, here's to your new dad and working together to overcome what is ever thrown at us. Watch this space x 

Those lovely relaxing holiday vibes....

Nothing like spending two weeks with family in an amazing place such as Sorrento, Italy. Perfect for the Hammonds with good food, ice cream galore, a pool, lovely weather and for me lots of history and archaeology to admire and enjoy. If you ask the girls this morning though if they ever want to see pizza and pasta again, I think the answer may be a resounding no!! I feel like a different man and the relaxation that came from simply stopping was like nothing I have ever experienced before., or I had simply forgotten with all that has passed. Lovely to spend time with the girls, when they weren't searching for the nearest available Wi-Fi! I particularly enjoyed the time spent with Lucy at Pompeii and the archeological museum and will be a cherished memory for ever. The context of the holiday and the area probably was not quite the girls cup of tea, but they seem to have benefited from the change and done something out of their comfort zone, which is important. Very excited return home to see the dogs and be back in their own space though as well. Anna straight out to see friends and back on some football training in the garden. For Amy and I, just time to stop, relax and wind down after some very difficult years gone by with the pandemic. This will be a family holiday I will for ever be grateful to have had, it could even be the last as the girls get older. I hope not. Now definitely skint and need to earn some more pennies fast!!! Back to the grind today and off on my work travels, with the memory of Sorrento well and truly embedded in my treasured memory bank 😊

The weekend of the birthday girl and dancing queen!

Definitely an eventful weekend in the Hammond House that just passed. Anna growing to the ripe old age of fourteen (how did that happen?!). Lots of loud teenagers roaming around the house in celebration. Lots of footy swag, clothes and her favourite part of the celebrations had to be having her friends around, and not the boring Friday evening with her parents! Happy birthday to our wonderful and slightly grumpy teenager! Lucy, swapped life for the evening, all glammed up and out of her normal jeans and t-shirt outfit, for a beautiful and sparkly dress for her school prom. Not really her thing, but I think she had a wonderful time, lost her voice, gabbled excitedly and continuously when she got home! Both landmark days for the girls to remember. Amy and I now completely skint and slightly exhausted 😀 Never mind, just over two weeks before we head off to Italy for our family holiday! 

And that's a wrap...

She's done it! Lucy has finished all her exams and without jinxing the results and outcome she seems quietly confident that she has done quite well. I can't believe my eldest is no longer at school! I am deeply regretting the 'cash for good results' deal I struck with her mid pandemic. It could cost me a pretty penny or two! If she has done as well as she thinks, then without a doubt, I cannot think of a young lady who is more deserving of such a reward. She has coped remarkably well in adverse times and worked so very hard. I have fingers and just about everything crossed for her. Now she is on a very long summer holidays and I feel my inner parent shouting 'get a bloody job!', after a short rest of course 😆 Four week countdown to Italy and our holiday and a four day count down to demon child's fourteenth birthday! Well done again Lucy. We really are very proud of you and I hope that anxious wait for results till the end of August is not too worrying x

And we are off!!! Under starters orders....

Exam week hit hard this week, with Lucy completing five exams in four days, some of which were the howlers she has been dreading such as maths. Not an easy experience to go through and I am very proud of her resilience, perseverance in studying every night, talking openly to manage the stress and drive to get through that first challenging week. She's worked so hard and despite the huge disruption to her education in the past couple of years, motivated herself, driven her self on and focused with her eyes on the prize. Lucy has always planned ahead and given herself targets to focus on. I did worry that this would be her undoing and perhaps driving too hard towards a single goal. I was wrong, it's given her the armor to  take the bullets of the first week, as well as a pragmatic nature about the subjects she struggles with. She has approached the first week with a maturity beyond her years. She's a tad exhausted now! With less exams next week and then half term the week after, that initial hit is waning for now. Of course, like everybody whose ever taken an exam, we have had the post exam doubt, the worry about the questions you may have got wrong. She can't change things now and I know she has done her best and some. That is all a parent can ask for. I couldn't help myself and had to buy her a well done, you got through the first week cactus for her bedroom! Those in the know, will realise this is a good gift for my Loobychick. Well done darling. Rest up and reset as more to come next week. Really proud of you as always 😍 x

Lucy only went and did it as well!

Subject to exam results it looks likely that Lucy will be getting her wish fulfilled and studying for her A-levels at Long Road in Cambridge. She wants to study English, History and Criminology. I am so proud of her and all her hard work. The last round of GCSE mocks went really well, with her improving in some areas such as science where she often struggles. She is a superstar and coping really well with all the pressure, having lost so much teaching in the run up to these exams in the last couple of years. I think she must get her intelligence from her father!!  I did nearly have a heart attack researching the cost of the yearly train ticket to get her there in well over £1200!!! She's worth it though as she perhaps sees this a bit of new start, making new friends and starting to get some wider life experience. She's so brave to branch out. My natural inclination, after all this madness would be to stay close to home, but as Lucy says 'she loves us, but doesn't like us and hates most people!' 😆 Keep going in the coming weeks and the rewards will be yours. Go forth and enjoy the adventure xx

She only went and did it!

Anna did so well at her trial for the England Women's talent pathway and she smashed it. We proudly got an email this week stating that she is going to be a player who they will watch and support to nurture her talent. How awesome is that! I am so proud of her and sincerely hope this will give her more confidence to grow and develop, building on the talent she has. Maybe, just one day, I will proudly watch my daughter in her first professional game. You've got to dare to dream! We all believe in you, so much and love watching you play footy even in the howling wind and rain! Keep working hard, keep striving to improve, stay humble which I know you will and the rewards will come your way. Good work Wiggle x