Celebrating some successes and moving forwards...

Child number one will still not let me take a picture of her, but I would have attached one in celebration of her grade nine ethics work, which is the equivalent of an A* at GCSE. Really not bad for a young lady who has just turned fourteen. I think she likes a debate and an argument just like her dad! Less proud and awaiting clarification about her first detention at school. Although appears to be a strange one and her being punished for struggling at something, Very positive motivational practice from her school. Anna's doing well and working hard to overcome anxieties and new experiences; also nailing her football and played last week against Norwich city elite (boys) with Kings Lynn (she did really well). Ground breaking girl power stuff! In other exciting news Amy is undertaking an introductory course on Saturday re play therapy and looking into a possible career change in the future. She is an exceptional teacher, but I am worried about the impact this career is now having on her well being. I want her to be happy and move forwards after a difficult family year and this seems like an exciting and open possibility for some change that really makes a difference. Me, I'm moving forwards and have booked myself in to see a counsellor starting next week. Time to help me, focus positively moving forwards and get back to feeling like myself. A good week and a positive one. Next week will bring the same I am sure... 

The time of the sloth is emerging....

There are days when I epically fail at being a father. Take for example the running battle with Lucy I have been having for months about the simple task of keeping her bedroom tidy. I have offered help, actually helped, offered reward, spoken calmly, set targets, got cross and flipped my lid and even threatened loss of electronic devices. Will she clean her room, no! Will she listen to her father, no! Gradually, over a sustained period of time, the ways of a teenager have slowly kicked into daughter number one. Soon, the lack of motion she sustains in a day will take her close to sloth like movements! Or so I thought, today she seems to have sprung into action a bit, cleaned and hoovered her room, helped Amy cook a wonderful roast dinner and is now completing her homework diligently. Either she's sickening for something, angling for an increase on spending at Christmas or we have turned a corner. Only time will tell.....

A good way to start moving forwards...

I've been desperately struggling since Auntie passed away, I have finally been honest with myself and started to open up about this to Amy. I've held things in for far too long in the last year and I need to move forwards. I've been very caught up in my own grief that I didn't notice others were struggling like I was, in particular Anna who misses her Grandma greatly. Lucy is more pragmatic and although talks about things, seems to be doing fine. I have not been a good parent this year and overcome by such difficult emotions, forgot my job and to offer comfort and support to my family who also miss her too. I don't have the monopoly on grief in these circumstances and should not expect this to just be about me. Amy spotted this in Anna and did something about this and helped her do something positive. They organised a fundraising event in Auntie's memory with a coffee and cake afternoon at our house to raise money for cancer research. I feel ashamed really, I did not champion this and did not really want it to go ahead. I thought it would be too hard for me and I was dreading it. I feel so very lost and feel I cannot replace the void left by Auntie. I have lost my safety net and the person I went to when things were hard. I have been having nightmares on a regular basis relating to my childhood and it's been so very tough indeed. I'm tired and am finding it so very hard to move passed the difficult events of the last year or so. Consumed by all this. I forgot to be a dad, I forgot to be a husband. The event went ahead and I did my best to help and not feel so down. I tried to embrace the celebration of her life. You know what, Amy was so right. Amy was right to push us into doing something positive and I can only say what a emotional experience it was. To open up our house, if only for an afternoon and show the love and kindness that Auntie did was something I did not expect. Amy worked so hard and Anna, although letting her mum do most of the work (another conversation for another day!), clearly moved forwards as a result of the experience. Its done me the world of good and has kicked me out of the bad place I found myself in. An amazing £370 was raised in Auntie's memory. Its hard being a dad when something so difficult happens in life and you loose the person you thought would always be there for you. You feel vulnerable and can't move out of the grief to be the person you need to be for others. Since Saturday, I feel a bit better. I feel a bit clearer and feel more like me without such a massive burden on my shoulders. I have felt like a could be a dad again, with Anna and I talking things through in the car on the way to football on Sunday morning. Its a start, it's a step forward. I want to be the best dad and husband I possibly can and I will do my best to move into a space where I can be positive once again. One day at a time x

It whizzed by like the last fourteen years!

Lucy's reaction to her amazing birthday cake, sums up how I feel about my eldest daughter; her generous spirit, gratitude and the young lady she is becoming. Presented with a Harry Potter cake like no other, she simply burst into tears and was overcome with emotion and joy. I didn't capture the moment well on camera, as I was too busy enjoying it. A moment to treasure and put secure in the parental memory banks. Combining Amy and Lucy birthdays on the Saturday, we brunched, had sleep overs, family visiting, cake, more cake, oh so much cake, dog walking and drunk lots of coffee throughout a busy but memorable day. Of course both were spoilt rotten and had so much swag including matching Pandora bracelets, although I do think future charms will be vastly different between mother and daughter, as tastes are a changing! We topped this off yesterday with a shopping trip to spend the such generous pennies given as well and a spot of lunch out. I think they both had great days and we begin the financial preparation for next year! A family day to remember, having been joined by Granny, Grandpa, Kate and crew as well for the eating and more cake! We needed a family dog walk just to brush off the sugar consumed. It was a long one and a good potter in the woods that I loved. Happy birthday girls. You are much loved xx

Birthday week is nearly here!

Move over Santa, forget yourself Guy Fawkes, ghouls and witches of Halloween you are nothing compared to the celebration of the upcoming week in the Hammond household! It's big birthday week and time to celebrate the October ladies special days with Lucy turning fourteen and Amy (well over forty!) Specific and chosen long in advance gifts have been purchased, special cakes organised and some other treats on the way gives our house a festival feel with a long weekend of celebrations. Lucy is currently bemoaning the need to be in school on her birthday and Amy celebrating that hers has finally come around and in half term again! These pampered ladies already know what they are getting but could the rest of the Hammond contingent pull off a few surprises? 

Game on!

Autumn is here and the time of the 'heroic' save is back. Anna is in her element as she and her team embark on another season of 'backs to the wall' footy. Sunday's game, despite the loss showed great promise in the team. Anna was diving, blocking, punching and just getting anything in the way of some thunderous shots the opposition fired at her. She made some wonderful saves. She continues to improve as a keeper, still need to work on coming out for crosses and her distribution from goal kicks; but I truly enjoyed watching her all action performance. Not entirely sure where her talent comes from! Very smug dad as one of the other parents told me that she was one of the best goal keepers they have played against in years! Good start to the season Wiggle and loved every minute of watching you, with the tip over the bar as you were nearly lobbed being the highlight of the day! Lucy is contemplating sporting prowess and exercise and looks likely to be signing up for her bronze Duke of Edinburgh award, telling us 'it will be good for her and get her off her arse!' I can only but agree darling! An emotional couple of weeks with the commemoration of what would have been Grandma's eighty-ninth birthday on the 6th September. I have mixed feelings as we approach Christmas and the anniversary of her death. I miss her terribly and feel still a bit lost. With Uncle Peter's passing too, another so important person from my childhood, the world feels like a strange place to be in at the moment....

I think its safe to say we didn't do much on holiday!

 As you can see actual hard evidence of our complete and utter lack of activity for two weeks! The most effort we put in, and it was slightly tokenistic, was the myself and the girls went to a water park for the day. The remainder of our two weeks away was compiled of eat, rest, swim, drink and repeat. For me and Mrs Hammond, there was the odd coffee, cocktail and beer thrown into the mix, coupled with the reading of many books, ignoring the kids and generally looking through the world from the perspective of a sun bed. Now that was relaxing and a perfect pace of life for an exhausted family! I read six books, I repeat six books and for me this is unheard of. Each year on holiday we usually cram in trips, days out and lots of things to do. This year we took a different tact and it was just what we needed and worked a treat. It is the most relaxed I've been in years. After a few days we gave up asking the girls to join us, they did their own thing. Anna loving and developing her drawing of cartoon characters and Lucy doing what Lucy does on an electronic device. Mrs Hammond wins the prize for the best and most super-duper tan; Lucy wins the wooden spoon in this category having spent the least time in the sun on record since human beings started holidaying! Anna and I did find the world's best positioned pool table and snuck off for a regular evening game and on several occasions the red mist descended as she was tonked!!  It remains a really positive memory for me in our family life and one I will treasure. Until next year and wherever our holiday may take us! xx