We'll follow, we'll follow, everywhere she goes!

Being Anna's parent is mostly about watching her at sporting events, cheering her on and encouraging her in all weathers. Brace yourself, be prepared to get cold and sometimes if you are lucky a great cup of coffee and a bacon roll comes into the bargain. Amy and I have been supporting her with her football and the odd spot of running for a few years now. Anna has a new fan, in her Uncle Ron who made the freezing trip to watch her in the West Norfolk cross country recently where she finished a credible twenty-eight out of fifty. He has been singing her praises since with compliments about her tenacity, fitness (which is flagging a bit since she went into goal) and never-say-die attitude. He also got to know her slightly better when she let her guard down and revealed the true Anna in showing her nerves and apprehension about something new. Me, I am prepared to follow Anna anywhere and I adore watching her games. We received word of the venue for Sunday's game today and it is an away game against West Winch. Now this is familiar I thought. Due to game cancellations for waterlogged pitches, ice and other weather related disasters it seems the only team she has actually played in the last two months is West Winch!!!! After what I hope will be victory number three in a row this weekend (never been done before and crossing everything beyond fingers), let's hope she and her friends get to test themselves against different opposition in the coming weeks to see how far they have actually come. Looking forward to Sunday morning, the cold, watching my daughter's fearless antics and perhaps a sneaky bacon roll!! 

Planting Auntie day is a lovely one that goes without a hitch......

It's been a very emotional family day. One filled with joy, sadness and pride. Today we laid Auntie to rest and I am extremely proud of what I organised, in what I hope was a fitting tribute to a remarkable woman. The church was packed with family, old friends and new. All who had been touched by her and on whom she has left an indelible mark. So proud of the girls today as they broke through their sadness and both found the courage to attend to celebrate their Grandma's life.  She would have been very proud of them today as  am I. I made it through the eulogy (only just, and quite possibly one of the hardest things I will ever do) and I hope paid tribute to the most amazing woman whom I was privileged to have had in my life. The day was filled with tears, laughter, pickled onions, crime novels, banana sandwiches and shortbread. Just how it should have been! I feel good now and have fulfilled my commitment to her to see her though the end of her days. She lives in me and I will always continue to try and make her and Auntie Doris proud; in memory of what they did for me. Today, I feel my debt is paid and my job is done, bar a few things such as her gravestone and a memorial bench which I will work on in the coming months. Never forgotten, always in my heart and much loved. Rest in peace Auntie Joan and once again thank you for the love, opportunity and support you gave me. A privilege to share part of your amazing life and to have known you. We'll keep talking and I know you will always be there for me. I don't feel my heart is broken anymore. I don't feel sad. I am ready to move forwards and it is because of you x

Finding her own indentity....

Lucy is rapidly becoming an adult. Hidden behind the antisocial behaviour and holding up in her bedroom, there are glimpses of an adult emerging who thinks things through and really is starting to get it. I have been so very impressed at how she handles herself when she has conflict in her friendship group, as well as the loyalty and support she offers her friends is so very caring and dedicated. She is a good judge of character and chooses friends for the most part very wisely. She is now obsessed with being taller than us and soon likely will be. A few inches to go yet Looby Chick, you never know that growth spurt might just stall! She expresses herself with love and real thought. She wrote such a wonderful tribute to her grandma on her Instagram feed, that deeply touched me and really demonstrated her understanding of the Auntie as a person. It was truly moving and I feel privileged to be able to include it in the eulogy I have written for the funeral. I will share this at a later date, as just need to tweak a few things first. She has a wonderful way with words and they come from the heart. She is growing up, finding different ways to express herself in the modern world and still hates boys. Perfect just what a dad would want! I sit back with pride and start to watch the adult she will become. I could do with some more interest in house work, and tidying her room but you can't have everything! 

Powered by 'Hammond!'

I am proud to sponsor Anna's football team. They are a good bunch of kids who work hard and are really starting to gel as a team. They play for and look after each other during the games. On Sunday last week, a 5-3 victory was achieved against a competitive and aggressive team (and that was just the parents!), which I won't name as we do not live that far away! Anna and her friends prevailed coming back from set backs and disappointments throughout the game and played the best football I have seen to date from them. You could say its a victory powered by 'Hammond' and perhaps the sponsorship is what has tipped the balance?!? Now football means a great deal to Anna and being part of her team is so very important to her. I was very touched as we got in the car after the match and she dedicated the victory to her Grandma. Auntie always asked me how Anna had got on in her games each week and took a real interest. Football and sport was not her thing, but some of my earliest memories were of her cheering me on in the freezing cold at rugby matches. She would always support us in everything we did. That's definitely a victory for you Grandma, hope you enjoyed it from your lofty position with the best seat in the house! Oh by the way, is it possible you could actually smile for a photo Anna?!?

Sleep well and thank you...

Early morning around 5.30am on the 29th December I finally got the call I had been dreading for weeks. Auntie passed away peacefully in her sleep. Now time for her to take a well earned rest after years as the head of our family and believe me I am sure it was no picnic bringing all those children and taking them into adult life! At the moment I have a heavy heart and am filled with sadness, but I am sure in the coming weeks and months this will turn to pride and joy and I will be able to focus on the lovely memories I have of her. She was the closest thing I had to a mother, after all. She was one of the two people who quite simply changed the course of my life as a baby and everything that has happened after. There is still lots to do to sort out her affairs and my main priority is to organise her a fitting send off that reflects a life so very well led. I already miss her terribly and the simple act of not being able to speak to her is very upsetting. I will always talk to her, always ask her what she thinks about something and she will always be with me in everything I do. Thank you once again Auntie for the life I am leading, I love it and it's all because you took me in. I have been so overwhelmed by the messages I have received in the last few days. So many people loved her, as I did. It simply shows how this amazing woman touched so many lives. Rest in peace xx

A Christmas of mixed emotions....

The last couple of days have been a rollercoaster ride of emotions, making memories, joy, exhilaration and sadness. This Christmas has been unique and I am not sure we will experience one like it again in our family. Our first Christmas in our new home was simply lovely. The joy of watching Joan open her stocking and presents, the company of dear friends in Libby, Ben and Big Lucy, Ron came and we laughed a great deal playing the bells, a fabulous lunch cooked to perfection by Mrs Hammond and some amazing swag! It got better and better with city scoring a 98th minute equalizer in extra time on Boxing day, I did nearly drop Anna during the celebrations! Footballing exhilaration that is second to none. For some they may now be quite pleased that I can barely talk! We woke up to the most beautiful frost and wandered up to the church for a gentle stroll to move lunch down a bit! A lovely day of simplicity surrounded by loved ones and friends.

Despite this I have found the last two days so very hard and at times have felt broken. I have smiled, cried, felt quiet, but throughout it have felt blessed every single minute of the festive period. On Christmas Eve, Amy and I sat with Auntie and the doctor and talked about putting in a syringe driver to ease her pain. I knew what this meant. I knew that conversations would now be mumbled or not be able to happen and I knew the day I had been dreading for so long would be here so very soon. Christmas day was a shock for us all, with Auntie not speaking and now sleeping on the bed. All we are able to do is hold her hand, tell her how much we love her and wait now. Last night I visited and for the first time simply could not handle it or face being there. During the house move I lost a card that I wrote to Auntie telling her how much I loved her and thank you for all she had done for me. Ironically I found it last night and realised I has missed the opportunity to give it to her and for her to read it. I have given so much of my emotional energy supporting her this year with difficult situations, decisions and distressing circumstances that I could not do it. The visit felt one difficult day too far, if I am honest. I have had a good nights sleep and will go again today. I was exhausted last night. I am so grateful for the opportunity she gave me as a child. She gave me love, a home and security. To see the see the smiles and laughter of my children on Christmas day at lunch is her legacy. I have had an amazing day celebrating with my family and friends. I feel square with the house and ready for what the next day or so brings again. This is not going to be easy, I need to be strong and go on the next stage of the journey on my own without a parental figure in my life. The thing is, I am not alone, I have a wonderful family, a beautiful wife and two amazing kids who make me so very proud every day. So today, I am going to get through with a big smile, channel Auntie Joan's resilience and courage; go and hold her hand and show her how much I love her. Merry Christmas and may 2019 draw our family ever closer...

Goodbye to a gentle soul...

Today didn't quite pan out how I envisioned, our first day of the holidays with all of us together. After a short illness we had to say goodbye to Inky. This morning, in Amy's arms with a kiss, a cuddle and some chatter about eating cat poo and chasing rabbits, Inky drifted off to sleep not to wake up again. The decision to have her put to sleep was not a hard one, as she had become unwell very quickly in the last week and I could not bare to see such a gentle and kind soul suffer. This evening our family feels very heavy and sad. We have lit a candle for our wonderful family pet and it will glow for a long time. Inky and I may have not always seen eye to eye, mainly due to her continence and my regular treading in her pee in the early hours of the morning!  I am not sure however I will ever come across an animal with such a kind nature. For that I am grateful to have had her in my life and we will all miss her terribly. Rest in peace 'Stink Bomb' and may you enjoy many a cat poo feast in heaven. No more pain or discomfort. It was a pleasure to share three years with you and we can feel proud that we gave such a lovely creature happiness after clearly what was not the best of starts in life. Good night lovely girl and forever in our hearts xx