Not a good end to the day....

All my parental frailties and weaknesses came to a head this afternoon when Amy and I took the girls for their swimming lessons late this afternoon. For the second week in a row Anna had an almighty strop with tears, hitting out and high levels of belligerence in a desperate attempt to get out of her lessons and this resulted in she and I clashing very badly. I feel desperately sad by what happened this afternoon and how I handled it, but I need to find a way to let Anna know that this is not how you behave. At the moment, if she does not want to do something, she is behaving badly to get out of it. If you are worried or anxious about something, you talk about it. I know she is not yet five, but I do think she is bright enough to understand this. Our relationship has been coming to a head over the last few days as she digs her stubborn heels in and will simply not do what she is asked to.

I just got cross with her and the worse her behaviour became, the more cross I got. This resulted in me dragging her out of the building screaming and smacking her bottom in the car park after she declared that 'she never wanted to see me again and she hoped that I died'. I punished her with the loss of a months pocket money and going to bed half an hour before her sister each night until after her birthday. I simply do not know how to handle these kind of situations with the girls and they know it. Lucy added salt to the wound by saying, 'don't worry Anna - Daddy will not follow the punishment through'. That just sums it up completely really and they know I am too soft. I should not have smacked Anna's bottom in the car park, She kept hitting me and I gave her a final chance. I have never seen her behave like this and I was so upset and disappointed with her. My strength will now be to follow this punishment through and show her there is a different way to behave when you need to talk things through. A sad and upsetting day. Being a parent can be so hard and frustrating at times and I do feel at a loss of what to do in these kind of situations. I end up feeling inexperienced, upset and simply not a good Dad. All is well now and the battle lines are no longer drawn and for Anna at the it just seems like a moment in time and already gone, for me I am afraid it leaves me feeling low, reflective and troubled. I would prefer quality time with the girls. This is, after all, my Wiggle we are talking about, but in being a parent you need take the rough with the smooth...