Friday, 31 July 2009

The queen of the blatantly frank!

Lucy can be at times 'frank'. She will say it how it is. I am yet to decide whether this is a positive quality or not. For example - this evening whilst looking at the poorly kept house plant in our dining room - 'That plant is dead - why have you killed it daddy?!?' Hopefully she will discover that we take better care of our children than our house plants. She is the queen of pointing out the obvious and stark and she never softens it. Like this morning, when instead of good morning she simply said 'Daddy you have a stinky bottom and I don't like it!' I would never warrant such a libelous attack, I don't know where she gets her evidence. She will be hearing from my lawyer. You can smile now, but I will have my revenge. In the morning I will start with much tickling and more tickling and more tickling....

Wednesday, 29 July 2009

Shoes glorious shoes!

Anna simply loves shoes - of all styles from smelly trainers, crocks, mummy's sandals to daddy's work brogues. I know that there is a social myth that all women love shoes, but Anna has broken down all the stereotypes. She does love shoes, but not on her feet. Whenever she gets in the house the first thing she does is hunt down a pair of shoes, puts them on her hands and crawls around the house chuntering away to herself and chatting to the shoes! Quite bizarre I know. The rules are as follows: Never separate her from her shoes. She is not bothered if they are a pair, as long as she has two. Never insist she takes them off her hands, even if she is preparing to eat. It does not matter she will eat with them on her hands. Pink shoes are the best and she will gravitate towards them and above all never put shoes on her feet. She will strenuously object!! Strange but very true. Quite simply, once again, you cannot make this stuff up....

Monday, 27 July 2009

Is is a bird or plane, no it's superfrog!

If you could be a superhero with any unlimited powers what do you think you would choose? Yesterday Lucy decided her hero of choice would be 'superfrog' for two very specific reasons - simply, so she could be slimy and naked. That was it! Particularly hilarious was her attempt at frog jumps whilst she had an attack of the giggles that ended up with her in a pile on the floor. You just can't make this stuff up. She is a clever little munchkin, yesterday we went to the car boot sale and in previous visits she has been able to buy a cuddly toy for a small amount. I piped up and said 'No more cuddly toys, we do not have the room' in an unconvincing parental assertive voice. Within thirty seconds she had found a pink plastic 'barbie' car and declared to the everybody in a very loud voice 'Look Daddy that's not a cuddly toy!' AHHHHHHHH! I am outnumbered and in trouble. Step watch: Wiggle made it up to ten steps today. I am impressed and slightly nervous.....

Wednesday, 22 July 2009

Walking, Wiggling, expressionism and not to order...

Anna is taking a few steps every day, but she is stubborn. She will not do it for order or for show, it will be on her terms or not at all. She is very pleased with herself and is physically very active. I think there is a distinct chance we may have a problem on her hands. A highly active toddler is on the way. If she is being watched, she starts with a quick grin, looks around and then promptly crawls instead of taking a few steps. That, I am afraid is classic Hammond behaviour! Lucy is leaving me presents to take to work at the moment - pictures that I am finding really hard to fathom what they are. Maybe they are abstract and my daughter is a Picasso in the making. I have simply one standard reponse -'That's lovely darling'. I don't have the heart to tell her that artistic talent may not be in her genes or offend her by asking what on earth it is! My office wall is now littered with the artistic interpretations of a three year old with an overactive imagination. I am proud of her, but the art she produces can be a little hard on the eye....

Sunday, 19 July 2009

The incredible swimming superstar who wears a sporren!

Armed with her swimming costume and her wits Lucy is going great guns with her swimming lessons. Amy tells me her confidence in the water goes from strength to strength. She goes on her back, kicks her legs, puts her face under the water and wades quite happily in up to her chin. Well done Looby chick! Anna as you can see prefers less sedate sports and has taken to bashing anything at arms length with a golf club! Next step anger management classes for you young lady. Lucy and I had a fantastic afternoon yesterday, as usual Amy had deserted us for some retail therapy. We grabbed a coffee in Starbucks and chilled out in the unexpected July sunshine and listened to a bagpipe busker in Norwich. Lucy quite literally enchanted about thirty people as she danced away to the music - spinning, turning, jumping and giggling. Children have no inhibitions - she even clapped herself! Which made her audience love her more. I could not bring myself to exploit her talents for money, but we were given some smarties!

Sunday, 12 July 2009

The one with the shakey start, the baptism, the rubber duck and the lovely family day..

What a fantastic day. I am shattered, but one I will always remember. I feel so proud. The day of the girls christening started off slightly shakily - Lucy threw up at 6am having guzzled a tad enthusiastically on a drink and I sat on the toilet, picked up a magazine to read and out popped a mouse and ran down my groin and leg! Damn that bloody cat! I started to get the feeling that the day was not going to go well. Despite this, the girls were brilliant and it was an amazing day. Anna particularly enjoyed the section of the service near the font and Lucy's comment on whether we should get the rubber ducks out tickled me pink! I really felt part of something amazing today, something amazing called my family. All this was followed by a delicious lunch and then frolics in the paddling pool back at our house, with cousins in tow. I did find my thoughts straying towards my foster parent, Doris, who passed away over ten years ago, I do hope that she would be proud of my family and how far I have come....

Saturday, 11 July 2009

Step aside here I come!

She did it! She did it! And as usual I missed it as I was at work. Wiggle walked a few steps. Get in there girl! There is definitely a Hammond child conspiracy against their father. If Anna could talk I would say this was a calculated and discussed move. I am not missing all the 'firsts' though, Lucy is having great success on her bike and I am so chuffed I have been a part of it. Preparation for Sunday's big event are underway. Amy and our neighbour Libby are beavering away in respective kitchens, cooking some wonderful smelling food. I am on standby to wash up the carnage. I am not a fan of being part of the lime light, so I am very nervous about the christening, but I am looking forward to it being one of the proudest days of my life. Lucy has spied the cakes and jelly and that seems to be her main focus. Discussion has taken place that we both hope that Anna does not fill her nappy in the hour long service. The church may be big, but the Fakenham congregation will smell the true side of the Hammonds!

Thursday, 9 July 2009

The raspberry pickers society outing..

Amy and the girls went raspberry picking today and Lucy could not help but to give me her version of events! 'Daddy I ran really, really, really fast and I ate so much. I ate lots and lots and lots and lots of raspberries, so did Wiggle. Wiggle ate more than me'. I can always count on Lucy to fill me in with an accurate synopsis of the days events when I have been at work. She is not prone to exaggerating at all!
Wiggle as you can see is looking very happy with herself - she is so close to walking, the anticipation is killing me. Come on girl - put your old man out of his misery. A day to look forward to on this coming Sunday, we are having the girls christened. Lucy is only interested in the party afterwards, I have a certain amount of dread as to how either of the girls will react to the water bit of the service. I have this reoccurring nightmare of a massive impending Lucy strop as she declares that it is not hair wash night to the vicar. Only time will tell....

Tuesday, 7 July 2009

The one with the mouse in the toilet..

A strange and curious thing happened to me this morning. I got up at 6ish, popped the kettle on to make the Mrs a cup of tea and plodded off to have a wee. As I relieved myself, I noticed a surprising addition to the toilet bowl in the guise of a dead mouse! Anyway I will now get to the parental point! This week Lucy has become obsessed by death, she is so curious and we try to explain a basic version of a few things, I had to put my foot in it by telling her I found the mouse and off we went. A twenty minute conversation then ensued, and the more I discussed it, the worse it got. As a parent you try to answer questions as honestly as possible without upsetting one so small. The more fluffy bunny I got, the more blunt Lucy became! Lucy tells me that dead people live in the ground and after I panicked heaven is a warm place where people wear their favourite knickers and shorts. Based on all this I finally stopped the conversation. Damn the cat and damn that mouse! I have reached new heights as a parent this week and have stamped my foot down with Anna and her wish to be downstairs until late in the evening and so far it has worked. We have now had three evenings to ourselves and I am in heaven with my favourite underpants on wearing my shorts!

Thursday, 2 July 2009

Happy birthday Wiggle!!!

My baby girl is one!! Happy birthday scrumptious daughter of mine. I think, although she could not express it, she had a fantastic one finished off by frolicking in the garden with the paddling pool, cake, mummy and daddy, her grand parents, auntie Kate, her big sister and lively cousins. Lucy inevitably helped her open her presents, well did it for her and then announced to me 'that it is important to share toys daddy'. Anna celebrated her birthday by staying up till nearly one in the morning with her daddy - I guess she must have been excited! I have to say that is not quite how I saw it at the time, but you have to take the rough with the smooth. Happy birthday darling - we love you so much. No walking yet - a couple of stumbled steps can not really qualify - well she fell onto me and moved her feet at the same time!