Thursday, 20 September 2018

Complicated, tenacious and a bit of handful!

I am conscious that at the moment, life has imposed a great deal of change on my girls. Everything is changing and when you are ten this must be difficult to deal with. There are some really emotional challenges on the horizon and ones that are already happening in both their lives. Factor into this that you are Anna and life gets even more complicated. She's finding things a bit tough at the moment, she adores her Grandma and is acutely aware that her time with her is limited. As Grandma becomes more unwell, and she is, Anna is finding this very difficult, even in the simple act of popping in to see her. Factor further changes such as moving house, moving schools, a young lady who is still trying to find her way in the world and gain a sense of her identity and place; then life becomes even more difficult. We are experiencing several emotional reactions as each change or challenge gets closer in Anna becoming very frustrated and I think she genuinely feels a sense of injustice at the moment. As her parent, this is the stuff I really struggle with and I find myself getting cross with her. My message to Anna would be 'don't try and find an identity, you already have one and we love you for being you. Don't worry about what people think of you and continue to find the path that makes you happy'. There is a million and one things going on in Anna's life at the moment, as is the case for us all. I have tried to find the words on several occasions that I hope will make a ten year old understand all this change but at the moment I can't. Add this to the individual changes she is going through and it could easily be quite overwhelming.  I know this is about her wanting to control, change and influence really complicated things that are happening and sometimes you just can't change what comes to us all. I am determined to sit down with her this weekend and find those words...

Tuesday, 11 September 2018

Moving buddies!

Our lives our changing each day as we move closer towards real differences in lifestyle, where we live, responsibilities, change of schools, a bigger family and a new adventure as a team. The house move is back on! We have accepted a great offer, more than I could ever have expected (from a vicar, so if anybody is less likely to screw us over and pull out, surely it will be him!). We have also found a fabulous house on a country estate no less, near Downham market. So, if the gods align and all goes well we could be looking at a November move before Christmas! There is a long way to go to make this happen, but I am positive and hopeful that a new and exciting chapter in our lives is really going to happen now. I am immensely proud of the girls and how they are handling the situation. The more we talk things through, the more they are slowing showing us a really mature attitude towards change. Don't get me wrong they have had their mini melt downs in the last few weeks, with Lucy in particular worried about moving schools. I have seen a calm in them in the last few days, perhaps even acceptance and some emerging excitement! It is not easy to get children to understand such a complex decision to completely up sticks and take a new direction, all be it not that far away, but it means real change for us all. I am excited and quietly enjoying seeing Mrs Hammond's joy at researching furniture and d├ęcor, doing what she loves. (Just don't tell her I love when she gets into project mode, her eyes light up, I only start to have issues when it costs me money and reality kicks in!!) Times are a changing, and I have to say I quite like it. I think I am ready for a new home and being part of a new community as well...

Thursday, 6 September 2018

An emotional day.....

It's been an emotional day today and I have really felt it. Grandma celebrates her birthday today and sadly it looks likely to be her last. I have not seen her today and will not do so as away working on a project. Pictured to the right on her 80th birthday, I have not been able to take a photo or sadly visit. I saw her last night and things are changing. She looks unwell, the girls came with me and Anna in particular struggled to see the woman she loves coming towards the end. Me too if I am honest and today I have spent the day with a sinking feeling and a lump in my throat. I am very much looking forward to Saturday though and taking the birthday girl out for lunch. I know she will struggle with the fuss and indeed the physical act of getting out of the house, but I am hoping we can all give her an experience to remember, surrounded by people she loves and has helped immensely. I intend to smile, laugh, take the micky and probably even cry. Today is the day to celebrate an amazing life: remember and thank one of the people who taught me the true meaning of the word family. Somebody who has helped me so much and that laid down the foundations in my life that enabled me to be the dad and person I am today.  No move on the house news as our buyer pulled out, so back to the drawing board. We are going to have to be patient with all this and take it one day at a time. There are so many variables in selling the house and preparing for Joan to come and live with us. I am really feeling the pressure this week, as it feels like time is not on our side. Life goes on though and returned to normal today with Amy and the girls going back to school. No obligatory cheesy 'in their new uniform' picture ,as I was not there to take it!  Lucy promised me they would take a selfie, but we will see if she remembered!