Wednesday 28 February 2018

It might be a little bit cold...

My word it is cold today. It's chucking it down with snow, the roads are deadly and my feet are endlessly wet already. The snow has closed most Norfolk schools and this means all the family Hammond are together for the day on a school day. Out of every adversity comes a ray of sunshine.  In typical Hammond fashion we celebrated by going to have something to eat, a cooked breakfast in town. The romanticism of snow must have passed us by, and we just woke up and did what we do best! No jolly snow ball fights, no frolicking whilst making a snow man - its too bloody cold for that! Bacon and a good coffee always sorts us out! I think the fire will be lit later and we will batten down the hatches and watch a film under a blanket. Just what the doctor ordered and very much unexpected. Grandma update - currently resting and recuperating in Cranmer House for a couple of weeks in the hope to build her up to be safe to go home, then we look at the future and any challenges we may have to face if her cancer is confirmed. I struggled and grappled with the notion of being really honest with the girls about her health and what might happen, maybe even soon. I took the decision to tell them and understandably so there was much upset and reaction, with Anna especially panicking last week about going to school. All seems to have settled down a bit now and they have both been able to visit Grandma now too. It was such a difficult decision to make and it could have gone either way. I think it was one of the most difficult things I have had to do as a parent, tell the girls that they might be losing their beloved Grandma soon. Let's see how this all pans out, they will be more difficult decisions to take before the year ends I am sure. In the meantime, today is time to relax and enjoy..

Tuesday 20 February 2018

Grandma is causing me real worry..

It has not been the best of times recently. A feel a heavy burden and worry on my shoulders in the last couple of weeks. With Grandma in hospital with a severe pancreatic infection and pneumonia, as well as talk that her breast cancer has returned, I feel very unsettled and am finding it hard to sleep. I thought I was prepared to potentially loose her, but I now realise I am not ready to part ways with the most influential person in my life. We have our ups and downs and on some occasions definitely don't agree, but I have so much respect and love for the person who gave me choices, a chance and a start in life; that, if I am honest for selfish reasons I want to keep sucking up that wisdom, talking things through with her and hearing those wise words for a few more years to come. Such a remarkable and independent woman, we may be reaching a junction in her life where some of that independence is not to the levels it was before, and this is where my heart tells me I must step in, take control and support her, whatever happens. I am finding it really hard and tough at the moment. Having Amy and the girls to come home to and my family, is a constant source of reassurance and in hard times, you appreciate what you have more than ever. I don't know what the future holds for Grandma, but I know I am privileged to have shared most of my life with her in it to date. I would just like to extend this a bit longer. I want her to continue to enjoy the girls and watch them grow up. I know it can't be for ever, so let's see what the next few days bring and take it from there...

Tuesday 13 February 2018

Appreciating what I have...

'I can only be honest and say I am feeling a little bit overwhelmed and glum today. I am working away from home, its half term and I am very busy all week and I feel detached from Amy and the girls at a time when I most need to be with them. With Grandma in hospital and quite poorly at the moment, I am not able to visit her either as much as I would wish  and I am feeling guilty and questioning my priorities. I have continued with my work this week, as my main role in the house is as a provider, sometimes my feelings can easily contradict this, but I can't earn enough money to keep a roof over our heads by being at home. I have this argument with myself on many an occasion and never really come out with a balanced solution. It is true, since I became self-employed, I definitely have more family time and am at home more, but I just sometimes get ill timed periods when I am stacked up and this week is one of them. My most treasured possession reminds me of why I work so hard, who will most benefit and my role in looking after my family. Amy and the girls bought and made me at Christmas, a bracelet with 'Wiggle', Looby Chick', their dates of birth and our wedding date on it. Now whenever I feel not quite right, a bit low and I am not with my family. I touch it, think of what is important, take a deep breath and carry on. I am privileged to have what I have in my life and that comes from holding fast, doing the right thing and working hard. Today was not a good day, but I go again tomorrow with my bracelet on and my family supporting and behind me. Not a bad place to be in really..