Monday 21 May 2018

I think I may have committed a truly epic parental cock up!

For years Amy and I have religiously waited for Anna to go to sleep, writing small notes in our best tooth fairy handwriting, frantically rushed around searching for change at 11pm and snuck into her room and swapped bloody teeth from under her pillow. Late last week, it turned 9.40pm and Anna's tooth had come out days before and she duly popped it in a bag under her pillow. Tired  and wanting to go to bed, with Amy already snoring her heart out in bed and not well, I took a gamble and prepared the reward and note as usual, sneaking into Anna's room thinking that she would be asleep already, tired from the heat and her day at school. A couple of minutes later she came through and enthusiastically told me that Boxer had been (having forgotten to come the previous two nights - bad parents!) I went to bed and thought nothing of it, thinking I had got away with it! In the morning, Anna approached me and in her usual stark and blunt manner said 'you do realise I caught you putting your hand under my pillow, Boxer is not real, is he?' At this point panic set in, but also a huge sense of relief that I no longer had to do this late at night shenanigans each time a bloody tooth came out. Lucy was present for this conversation and urged me to continue the ruse, I am afraid I buckled under the parental pressure and stated that 'she had me and we were just helping her for all these years to use her imagination, but Santa is real!' Why I said this I do not know, as I could have gone to bed early this year on Christmas eve. Muppet! Later that week Anna sent me a lovely text saying 'Never mind dad, its not your fault, I really enjoyed all the notes from Boxer - you are the best dad ever!' Now there is a child who knows how to play her parents and twang their heart strings. Lucy when she discovered this simply said 'creep!' Does this mean I don't have to part with any more cash Wiggle?

Sunday 13 May 2018

If only she could follow instructions!

Life just races by. Every week blurs into one and by the time you realise it, the weekend's gone and you are back into the grind of the working week. Lots gone on in the family Hammond to catch up on, some frustration, one hilarious moment and some proud parental moments too. My eldest daughter Lucy is beautiful, finding her confidence and growing up at a speed I cannot fathom. Now needing grown up conversations  about personal hygiene and adult things, Amy is shouldering the burden of such things. Glad I am not involved in these and that Lucy only wants to talk to her mother at present, although I am currently bracing myself to cock it up if needed! A week or so ago, Amy and Lucy spoke about the need to shave legs and under the arms. Lucy popped in the shower and sorted this out. On coming out, she declared to her mother she had sheaved her arms too! After much laughter Amy and I composed ourselves, but could not resist a slightly sarcastic jibe in the morning! Not sure if the issue was in the clarity of the instructions or the stupidity of the recipient - we will never know! I am so glad she did see the funny side. Not good parenting I hear you say, nothing that Lucy would not have said to any of us. She is after all developed in her sarcasm usage and at 'Ninja' level. Anna despite high levels of moody and grumpy continues to excel on the football pitch. Now with an interest in goal keeping pulled off the save of the season yesterday, tipping a stinging shot over the bar to stop the opposition equalising. It was truly a sublime save and one I wished I would have been able to capture on video. Then people would realise it is not just parental bias driving my description of her heroics, I can tell the world I was there on this epic day, even though they may not believe me......

Monday 7 May 2018

It would be rude not too!!

It has been a stunning bank holiday weekend, with warm sunshine basking over the wonderful Norfolk countryside. Sadly with Mrs Hammond spending the weekend beavering away at an outstanding work project, it has been left to me to entertain and stimulate the girls. The menu of enjoyment has been simple with not much choice on offer - sunshine, ice cream, plenty of fluids, relaxation and much eating Hammond style. My parenting skills probably do not go beyond this - so stick with what you know! We've been fossil hunting, eaten way too much ice cream, lots of penny gambling in the arcades and had a potter around a very packed Wells. The best excursion organised by my children's entertainment unit (me) was a nostalgic one for me. A picnic prepared by Anna by Walsingham ford, right next to my childhood home. I could see Berry Hall in all its splendour in the spring sunshine and it brought back many childhood memories. I loved watching the girls play where I had once done so, paddling and playing poo sticks. The odd shout of 'car', to avoid getting splashed was heard too! A lovely and unusually warm bank holiday weekend. Shattered now and going back to work for a rest!