Tuesday 1 March 2016

Am I getting this right?

I have to say I have been fretting about something all night. Anna came home yesterday and told me with tears in her eyes that a girl at school has been teasing her and being mean to her about the way she dresses, telling her she looks 'stupid'. Apparently, this has been going on for a few weeks now. I am upset that she has not confided in us but I understand entirely, this kind of thing is not easy to talk about regardless of your age. She got there in the end though. It all came out as she has been invited to a birthday party on Saturday and there will be some kids that she does not know there and she is worried they may tease her for being different and she now does not want to go. After talking it through, telling her she just needs to be herself and how proud of her I was, as well as advising her to speak to a grown up at school today; I got worried, very worried and have asked myself the big question - how much of this is my fault? I love her individuality, her hats, her love of things I like such as football and have actively encouraged this over the years. Am I kidding myself and am socially constructing Anna to cater for what I like. Is she dressing like this and loving things like football just to simply impress me? This is now really troubling me. I talked it through with a friend this morning, who I always appreciate his honesty and he will tell me how it is. His words were - ' everybody loves Anna, she is quirky, spirited and much loved - but if problems like this come along we have to think as parents about how we are guiding are children and whether or not our impact is positive.' He said this without prompting or me initially discussing my fears and he wasn't being critical. He was kind enough to tell me he thought I was a good dad. I love my baby girl and I love the way she is and what she does. The big question still remains if I am guiding her correctly as a parent or gently and quietly imposing my will upon her unintentionally.... I just don't know. I don't want anything I do to upset her or put her in a difficult situation...

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