It has not been the best of times recently. A feel a heavy burden and worry on my shoulders in the last couple of weeks. With Grandma in hospital with a severe pancreatic infection and pneumonia, as well as talk that her breast cancer has returned, I feel very unsettled and am finding it hard to sleep. I thought I was prepared to potentially loose her, but I now realise I am not ready to part ways with the most influential person in my life. We have our ups and downs and on some occasions definitely don't agree, but I have so much respect and love for the person who gave me choices, a chance and a start in life; that, if I am honest for selfish reasons I want to keep sucking up that wisdom, talking things through with her and hearing those wise words for a few more years to come. Such a remarkable and independent woman, we may be reaching a junction in her life where some of that independence is not to the levels it was before, and this is where my heart tells me I must step in, take control and support her, whatever happens. I am finding it really hard and tough at the moment. Having Amy and the girls to come home to and my family, is a constant source of reassurance and in hard times, you appreciate what you have more than ever. I don't know what the future holds for Grandma, but I know I am privileged to have shared most of my life with her in it to date. I would just like to extend this a bit longer. I want her to continue to enjoy the girls and watch them grow up. I know it can't be for ever, so let's see what the next few days bring and take it from there...
My word it is cold today. It's chucking it down with snow, the roads are deadly and my feet are endlessly wet already. The snow has closed most Norfolk schools and this means all the family Hammond are together for the day on a school day. Out of every adversity comes a ray of sunshine. In typical Hammond fashion we celebrated by going to have something to eat, a cooked breakfast in town. The romanticism of snow must have passed us by, and we just woke up and did what we do best! No jolly snow ball fights, no frolicking whilst making a snow man - its too bloody cold for that! Bacon and a good coffee always sorts us out! I think the fire will be lit later and we will batten down the hatches and watch a film under a blanket. Just what the doctor ordered and very much unexpected. Grandma update - currently resting and recuperating in Cranmer House for a couple of weeks in the hope to build her up to be safe to go home, then we look at the future and any challenges we may have to face if her cancer is confirmed. I struggled and grappled with the notion of being really honest with the girls about her health and what might happen, maybe even soon. I took the decision to tell them and understandably so there was much upset and reaction, with Anna especially panicking last week about going to school. All seems to have settled down a bit now and they have both been able to visit Grandma now too. It was such a difficult decision to make and it could have gone either way. I think it was one of the most difficult things I have had to do as a parent, tell the girls that they might be losing their beloved Grandma soon. Let's see how this all pans out, they will be more difficult decisions to take before the year ends I am sure. In the meantime, today is time to relax and enjoy..
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