It has not been the best of times recently. A feel a heavy burden and worry on my shoulders in the last couple of weeks. With Grandma in hospital with a severe pancreatic infection and pneumonia, as well as talk that her breast cancer has returned, I feel very unsettled and am finding it hard to sleep. I thought I was prepared to potentially loose her, but I now realise I am not ready to part ways with the most influential person in my life. We have our ups and downs and on some occasions definitely don't agree, but I have so much respect and love for the person who gave me choices, a chance and a start in life; that, if I am honest for selfish reasons I want to keep sucking up that wisdom, talking things through with her and hearing those wise words for a few more years to come. Such a remarkable and independent woman, we may be reaching a junction in her life where some of that independence is not to the levels it was before, and this is where my heart tells me I must step in, take control and support her, whatever happens. I am finding it really hard and tough at the moment. Having Amy and the girls to come home to and my family, is a constant source of reassurance and in hard times, you appreciate what you have more than ever. I don't know what the future holds for Grandma, but I know I am privileged to have shared most of my life with her in it to date. I would just like to extend this a bit longer. I want her to continue to enjoy the girls and watch them grow up. I know it can't be for ever, so let's see what the next few days bring and take it from there...
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